Ten Years Ago

Ten years ago today, I woke up to a large rumbling that shook our windows. I turned on the TV to find that an airplane had hit the World Trade Center. I looked out the windows and could clearly see the plume of smoke coming from Tower 1. Jack was still asleep and our apartment was quiet. The Today Show speculated it was a small two-person airplane. I saw the explosion from the second impact and then everyone knew America was under attack. I watched both towers fall, holding Jack in my arms. Jack pointed and said, "Smoke."

The wave of dust flooded into Brooklyn and made it hard to breathe all day. Papers from the destroyed office buildings also drifted across the river. Before they fell, our neighbor, Mike Whiting, and I used binoculars to watch the towers. I could see into the massive black hole on the side of the tower, surrounded by flames. I watched the firemen who lived next door from us and welcomed us so generously to their family Christmas party, leave to do their duty. Thankfully, they all returned home. Our ward's Elders Quorum President called me and we started a calling tree to try and locate members of the ward, especially those we knew worked in that area. After several hours, everyone was accounted for, although several walked home across the Brooklyn Bridge amidst the mass of soot-covered zombies who were in Lower Manhattan and had no other way home than to walk.


Jenny and Grant were in Utah for her Grandma's funeral. I didn't want her flying with two small children (weird, considering she's done that since on more than one occasion), so I kept Jack and stayed home from work... on that one day. I hated knowing I couldn't be there with my coworkers and friends in lower Manhattan, five blocks from the WTC. I later saw the landing gear from the first impact, which passed through Tower One and landed right in front of my office building.


Thanks to Grandma Jackson, I was spared being at work on Rector St on 9/11. Who can know what would have happened to me otherwise? One of my coworkers was killed by falling debris. I suppose that could have been me... Others later told me they thought they were going to die when the Towers fell and they were covered by that massive dust cloud. Nevertheless, a large part of me is extremely resentful that I was not there. Oh, I was there, but not really there. Just as I was home on the day my Lieutenant was shot and killed on a traffic stop, and my teammates chased him down and shot his legs out from under him while he and his driver hid behind their truck and fired on the officers.

I have a real need/desire/want to be there when these momentous and horrible events occur. I want to be on the tip of that spear, part of the force that takes action and saves lives. I've spent countless hours training and drilling for when violence occurs, to be able to save my own life and those of innocents. To be able to confront evil when I encounter it. But, for some reason, the Lord has kept me out of these rare and violent events. I've seen my own share of violence and horrific events, but I was kept out of specific ones. I do feel resentment and, at the same time, gratitude for His intervention. It was during these weeks alone with Jack that I first started thinking about being a police officer.

So, where am I going with all this? I don't know... Jenny encouraged me to blog about my experience on that day. I have a lot of conflicted emotions. It's hard to watch the videos on TV and the computer about it all. I am grateful the Lord has kept and preserved me. I am grateful to be where I am today.

I remember it all so clearly... and yet wish my view had been several miles closer.